Learning about counseling theory has been and will continue to be an amazing journey. There's substance behind how we're wired, and how we're programmed that makes up who we are. Much of what we know of ourselves as individuals and the world around us is formulated in our family of origin. Family is our first interaction with others, with emotional attachment figures. We also learn to interact, to know it is okay to engage the world around us because we know we are loved and supported. The good news and bad news: no family is perfect. Good parents are not going to be perfect with their kids all the time. But "I love you's" and "I'm sorry, Daddy (or Mommy) overreacted" shows kids they are worthy of love, and their own personhood, and that parental figures can model how to display humility. Some theorists say that parents don't have to be perfect, they just have to be "good enough." Consistency, humility, care and affection, boundaries for their kids.
Sadly, some family environments can be down right damaging to a young kid's sense of safety and self worth. When this occurs, it can leave an impression they carry into adult life. The term above, "parentification" is when a parent's emotional needs are not met, and they then become more like a child, forcing the actual child/children to assume a role of responsibility for them and their own security. It is a very difficult role to assume and has lasting effects on into one's adult life roles.
I post this mainly to just share some of the insights I'm learning about counseling theory and human development. I have wanted to post things from time to time, but hadn't had the time (to time). Click on the link above to learn more.
1 comment:
Been there. Parent guilt (especially single mom guilt and fear) is intense and is permanent. It never goes away. The influence from of our upbringing and family roles affects us so much both the good and the bad. And it all affects how we deal with everyone. Your insights are spot on.
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